testicular fortitude

For years, my family and friends (at the same time while loving me for my big heart, tenderness, compassion, concern and blind trust in others) have continually told me to quit being a doormat and letting other people run over me. My nature is to trust people too much, love people too much, cater to people too much, etc., etc., etc.....You get the idea. My husband even says that I can't say NO to anybody but him! (don't even go there!) Well, you can't exactly go against nature, can you???? Or.....Can't you? I have found out over the past six years, that you CAN grow balls when you have to. Why did it take me six years to figure this out, you say? It's not so much that I'm a slow learner as it is that it just sort of snuck up on me by degrees. My balls grew so slowly that I didn't even realize that they were there until drastic things began to happen in my life, and ..Lo and Behold.....There it was! TESTICULAR FORTITUDE! Just when I needed it most!
It began with the birth of my beautiful granddaughter, Samantha Katelyn Pointer. She was five weeks early and had a rocky start with failure to thrive for about the first 2 months of her life, but then she finally started putting on weight and things were perfect.
Have you ever noticed that the things that rock the foundations of your world tend to happen when you think you are happier than you've ever been?
At about 3 1/2 months old, we noticed Sammi wasn't attaining the developmental milestones that other babies her age were. We started looking for answers. The Drs. Said it was just because she had been premature...Give her some time...She will catch up. She didn't. More questions...More searching....More Drs.......More hours of research on the internet than most research students log...More tests than ANY baby ought to have to undergo...And finally, at 14 1/2 months, a diagnosis. One, by the way, that Mom and Grandma had found through all of their tireless research, and the Drs. Only confirmed through specific testing!
ANGELMAN SYNDROME:a genetic disorder ...She is missing a big chunk of DNA from her 15th chromosome pair. The symptoms? Severe developmental delay, non-existent to minimal speech, a happy smiling demeanor, and possibly the onset of seizures before the age of 3 yrs.
Statistics say that 80% of marriages that have special needs children end in divorce because of the added stress of caring for and supporting that special child. My daughter's marriage became one of those statistics. Samantha's daddy left them when she was 18 months old. Don't get me wrong...Sammi's daddy is NOT a bad person. He just wasn't prepared or equipped to handle the situation. After all....Who could be?
While basically he is a very good man, that didn't keep me from being very angry with him for a very long time after he left! However.....It was the very best thing that could have happened to my daughter. Because she didn't have a husband to lean on for support, she has become one of the strongest women I have ever had the priviledge of knowing in my life! She very quickly adapted to the situation, and with the total love she has for her daughter, she became a fighter for Sammi's rights, and an ally and advocate for her special needs.
Samantha, herself, is a very strong and special child. She has endured many surgeries, tests, prodding, poking...And laughed through most of it...Including a spinal tap! She laughed out loud while they were performing it on her! AMAZING!
So, you see...The strength I have now is completely inspired by my wonderful daughter and beautiful, special granddaughter. I have learned to fight WITH my daughter and FOR my granddaughter.
A word of warning, though...Once you grow balls and start fighting for what is right....It tends to spill over into the rest of your life as well. So, every once in awhile, if someone does me or anyone I love wrong....The testosterone from those newly acquired balls surges, and I WILL stand up and voice my opinion and fight for what I think is right! Thank GOD, (and I mean that very sincerely, because without our faith in HIM we would have never gotten through the hard times) I still have enough of my original nature to temper the testosterone with tact and a little wisdom. So, although I am now no longer afraid to speak my mind, I try to do it nicely...But if "nice" doesn't work........You better watch out, cuz.....I GREW BALLS!